Advertisement at a strip mall:  SALT

Stores in the strip mall:  AT&T, Footlocker and Beauty Supply.

I wonder which one is selling the salt?

After the big blizzard, all of the main highways were plowed but none of the exits had been plowed.

Why bother plowing a road if drivers can't get on it or off of it?

The vet wants to do a urine test on my cat.

How do you get a cat to pee in a cup?

I saw a guy at the gym today lifting weights with one hand and talking on his cellphone with the other.  I couldn't help wondering what was so incredibly important that it couldn't wait until after his workout.

Sign on a local pet store:

LIVE BAIT!

Is it just me or is that deeply disturbing?

I work out at a gym three times a week. 

So why is it that I always try to park as close to the store as possible even if it means squeezing into spaces so tight that I can barely get my car door open?

Sign on a truck:

RELIABLE TIRE CO.

As opposed to unreliable tires?

Sign at a local nursery:

FRUIT TREES ARE IN

In what?

Subject line on an email:  Keep Cool with Frozen Hot Chocolate.

How can it be frozen and hot at the same time?

I bought a package of Hebrew National hot dogs.  It has 7 hot dogs in it.  Are odd numbers part of Kosher cuisine?

I saw a woman on a bike pulling into a yard sale.  How did she think she was going to carry her purchases home?

There's a woman at the gym who wears a sports bra over a regular bra.  Kinda like wearing a belt and suspenders.

I was watching an eagle cam today and a popup ad appeared suggesting I search for "used eagle".

What's a "used eagle" and why would I want to search for one?

Why is it called a greenhouse if it's not green?

Cats always land on feet, toast lands butter side down. What if you strap buttered toast to a cat?

I'm reading a cookbook from 1896.

Recipe:  Turtlehead Soup

First Ingredient:  1 Calf's Head

Huh?

I don't understand the controversy surrounding Tiger Woods' apology.  He is obviously in a 12-step program and this is the step where he has to make amends to all the people he has hurt.

Which is basically everybody.

What's wrong with this picture?

Today is Ladies Day at the car wash, $2 off.  Ten customers in line.  Nine men and me.

I went to the grocery store to buy ground pork today.  There was none but they had lots of ground veal.  Why is it okay to sell the meat of baby cows but not the meat of adult pigs?

Times Square bills itself as "The Crossroads of the World" so why is the new New Year's Ball made up of crystals in the shape of Celtic knots, the symbol of a single, small, ethnic group?

Have you tried to buy cheese lately? Almost all of it is low-fat. Besides not tasting right, it doesn’t cook right. Really nasty stuff.


My fellow Americans, please eat less and exercise more so that we put this low-fat nonsense behind us.

Overheard at the Thanksgiving table in reference to the turkey:

"This is definitely done, I think."

Why are there many different kinds of mustard but only one kind of ketchup?

Seen in the seafood case at the local A&P:

Imitation crab meat
Wild caught

How do you catch a fake crab?

There's road on my route to work that has "Flood Route" signs. 

Is this an evacuation route in case of flooding or are they trying to direct floodwaters to minimize damage?

I saw a herd of dairy cows that were the skinniest, boniest cows I've ever seen.  Is that were low-fat milk comes from?

I keep telling my hairdresser that I want to grow out my hair.  She keeps cutting it short. 

Is short the new long?

I made cookies from a recipe that called for "real chocolate chips".  What are "real chocolate chips"?  I wasn't aware that there were fake ones.

Why do they have locks on the lockers in the police station?

What's the point of low fat or fat free Half & Half?

What's wrong with this picture?

An antique dish
pattern: Betsy Ross
manufacturer: Colonial Pottery
Made in England

Weren't they the enemy?

Everyone claims to love colorful fall foliage so why do they expend so much time, effort and money removing every last "beautiful" leaf from their yards?

Why are there no father-in-law jokes?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

How does aspirin find the pain?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Can you cry underwater?

How do you give "up"? What exactly is "up"?

If swimming is supposed to be a great way to lose weight, why are whales fat?

Why do people paint the aluminum siding on their houses?

Why are they called "buffalo wings"? Buffalos don't have wings.

There is an email going around about lethal mulch from Target. Seems pet owners are allowing their dogs/cats to eat the cocoa shell mulch they installed in their gardens. Since it is widely known that ingesting chocolate is lethal to dogs and cats and cocoa beans are the source of chocolate, why are people surprised that pets are dying?

How do dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures?

What is the speed of dark?

My friend Chris is wondering:

"How does your sewing machine know where the holes in the buttons are?"

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why are they called "dust bunnies"? The dust part I get but . . . bunnies?

Any guesses about what this vendor is selling?

Hint: this is the same garden show where another vendor was selling rusty garden furniture.

I went to a garden show recently. One of the vendors was selling rusty garden furniture:




Why would anyone want to buy rusty garden furniture?

Wild-caught sea scallops are on special this week. Why are they so special? How difficult could it have been to catch them? Scallops don't move.

When did "podium" become a verb?

I have a long-haired cat who sheds unbelievable amounts of hair. Why does he never go bald?

Groundhog Day Special Edition!

Why do people think a rodent is better at predicting the weather than professional meteorologists using modern technology?

Where does dust come from?

Are the lifeguards for clothing optional beaches also . . . clothing optional?

What's "agog"?

Another reenactor question:

How do the women get those enormous hoops inside the narrow Port-O-Potties?

A question for reenactors:

How do you know when you're dead?

This time of year I get a lot of solicitations for donations. Why is no one soliciting donations to free eight tiny reindeer forced to pull an obese man in sled crammed with consumer goods for an entire night with no food, no water and no rest except for very brief stops on rooftops?

I found myself using the expression "More (noun) than you can shake a stick at". Why would anyone want to shake a stick at something?

Why do people rush out to buy snow shovels before every snowstorm? What happened to the snow shovels they purchased prior to previous snowstorms?

I saw a great bumper sticker today:

It's called Tourist Season, why can't we shoot 'em?

Why is it that despite the fact that I vacuum my house regularly, I still find needles from the Christmas tree until the following July?

Why are they called flea markets? Do they sell fleas there? Who buys them?

Over on AOL, Cooking Light magazine, a magazine about healthy cooking is sponsoring "A Month of Cookies". You can get a cookie recipe via email each day of December until Christmas. Does anyone else find the juxtaposition of healthy cooking and cookies deeply disturbing?

If the turkey had been designated the national bird as Ben Franklin wanted, does that mean we would all be eating eagle for Thanksgiving?

Why do companies invariably announce layoffs right before Christmas/Hannukah when it will hurt the employees involved the most?

ONE HUNDREDTH POST SPECIAL EDITION!

Why do bloggers get so excited about their 100th post?

The controversial annual bear hunt in NJ is on! Which leads to my annual question:

Why do people build houses in bear habitat and then get upset when bears wander the streets looking for food?

Why do people think that pushing the button more than once will make the elevator come faster or the doors close sooner?

As per Astrid's request . . .

New Category: Civil Unrest

Why do rioters destroy their own neighborhoods?

It's that time of year again when everyone plants decorative cabbages after the frost has killed all the flowers. Why do people think that planting veggies in their front yards is attractive?

I keep seeing the phrase "going gangbusters". What are gangbusters?

If the quarterback is the smallest member of the team, does that mean that the halfback is 50% as large as the fullback?

What is a Nose Tackle? Why would you want to tackle someone's nose? Why not their entire body?

I have never understood the game of football. The rules are byzantine. The players look like they are trying to kill each other but they are so well padded they can't hurt anyone. The thing I wonder about the most is: why is the ball such an odd shape?

Why is it that FedEx and UPS can get a package anywhere on the planet overnight, but the US Postal Service takes four days to get a package from Edison, NJ to Middlesex, NJ, a distance of less than ten miles?

I had root canal done on a tooth on Monday. On Tuesday, the doctor's office called to see if I was alright. Don't they realize that if I wasn't "alright" I would either have called them or not be home because I was in the Emergency Room?

Yesterday I saw a sign advertising a "Fine Art and Crafts Show". Is it just me or does that make as much sense as The Three Tenors singing at the Grand Old Opry?

This one is courtesy of Astrid who sent me a whole list of things to wonder about:

Why is there a light in the fridge but not the freezer?

Why do the (male) joggers in my local park wear shorts over their sweatpants? Or is it sweatpants under their shorts?

I have never understood bread machines. I thought the whole idea of homemade was to get away from machine-made bread.

The grocery store is an endless source of amusement for me. I went down an aisle I don't normally go to and right next to the Hamburger Helper was Slow Cooker Helper. For those of you who don't use a slow cooker (crockpot), all you do is put in meat, veggies, seasonings, some kind of liquid and turn it on. Which part of this extremely simple process needs to be "helped"?

If drinking and driving is illegal, then why do bars have parking lots?

The President is asking everyone to drive less to conserve gasoline. I live in suburbia. There is no mass transit. How am I supposed to drive less?

I saw this one in "Newsweek":

Would the Federal Government have gotten aid to New Orleans faster after the hurricane if the French Quarter had been renamed the Freedom Quarter?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Why are they called "collar stays"? Collars are sewn on. They aren't going anywhere. They are definitely "staying".

Why does the emergency veterinarian, which is open nights, weekends and holidays, charge more than the regular veterinarian? My local grocery store is open 24 hours a day and it doesn't charge more for food nights, weekends and holidays.

Why do people move to the desert Southwest . . . then plant lawns and trees?

(With all due respect to the victims of Hurricane Katrina), why are they called "hurricanes" in the Atlantic and "typhoons" in the Pacific? They are same types of storms.

I have a key to start my car. My friend has a key to start his motorcycle. Do airline pilots have a key to start the jet?

What is the difference between pole beans and runner beans? They are both vines and they both climb.

Cage Free Brown Eggs are on sale this week. Why would eggs need to be caged?

Why do people have cats as pets? Cats are nocturnal. People are not.

Why do people think that mirrors make a room look bigger? It's the same room in the mirror.

Why is it called a "bender" when you drink a lot? What is being bent?

Just for you Snake :

Why do you never hear the word "humongous" anymore?

Is dry cleaning really dry?

Why are they called butterflies? Butter doesn't fly.