Why are there many different kinds of mustard but only one kind of ketchup?

Seen in the seafood case at the local A&P:

Imitation crab meat
Wild caught

How do you catch a fake crab?

There's road on my route to work that has "Flood Route" signs. 

Is this an evacuation route in case of flooding or are they trying to direct floodwaters to minimize damage?

I saw a herd of dairy cows that were the skinniest, boniest cows I've ever seen.  Is that were low-fat milk comes from?

I keep telling my hairdresser that I want to grow out my hair.  She keeps cutting it short. 

Is short the new long?

I made cookies from a recipe that called for "real chocolate chips".  What are "real chocolate chips"?  I wasn't aware that there were fake ones.

Why do they have locks on the lockers in the police station?

What's the point of low fat or fat free Half & Half?

What's wrong with this picture?

An antique dish
pattern: Betsy Ross
manufacturer: Colonial Pottery
Made in England

Weren't they the enemy?

Everyone claims to love colorful fall foliage so why do they expend so much time, effort and money removing every last "beautiful" leaf from their yards?

Why are there no father-in-law jokes?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

How does aspirin find the pain?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Can you cry underwater?

How do you give "up"? What exactly is "up"?

If swimming is supposed to be a great way to lose weight, why are whales fat?

Why do people paint the aluminum siding on their houses?

Why are they called "buffalo wings"? Buffalos don't have wings.

There is an email going around about lethal mulch from Target. Seems pet owners are allowing their dogs/cats to eat the cocoa shell mulch they installed in their gardens. Since it is widely known that ingesting chocolate is lethal to dogs and cats and cocoa beans are the source of chocolate, why are people surprised that pets are dying?

How do dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures?

What is the speed of dark?

My friend Chris is wondering:

"How does your sewing machine know where the holes in the buttons are?"

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why are they called "dust bunnies"? The dust part I get but . . . bunnies?

Any guesses about what this vendor is selling?

Hint: this is the same garden show where another vendor was selling rusty garden furniture.

I went to a garden show recently. One of the vendors was selling rusty garden furniture:




Why would anyone want to buy rusty garden furniture?

Wild-caught sea scallops are on special this week. Why are they so special? How difficult could it have been to catch them? Scallops don't move.

When did "podium" become a verb?

I have a long-haired cat who sheds unbelievable amounts of hair. Why does he never go bald?

Groundhog Day Special Edition!

Why do people think a rodent is better at predicting the weather than professional meteorologists using modern technology?