Monday, December 26, 2005

This time of year I get a lot of solicitations for donations. Why is no one soliciting donations to free eight tiny reindeer forced to pull an obese man in sled crammed with consumer goods for an entire night with no food, no water and no rest except for very brief stops on rooftops?

Saturday, December 24, 2005

I found myself using the expression "More (noun) than you can shake a stick at". Why would anyone want to shake a stick at something?

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Why do people rush out to buy snow shovels before every snowstorm? What happened to the snow shovels they purchased prior to previous snowstorms?

Sunday, December 11, 2005

I saw a great bumper sticker today:

It's called Tourist Season, why can't we shoot 'em?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Why is it that despite the fact that I vacuum my house regularly, I still find needles from the Christmas tree until the following July?

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Why are they called flea markets? Do they sell fleas there? Who buys them?

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Over on AOL, Cooking Light magazine, a magazine about healthy cooking is sponsoring "A Month of Cookies". You can get a cookie recipe via email each day of December until Christmas. Does anyone else find the juxtaposition of healthy cooking and cookies deeply disturbing?

Thursday, November 24, 2005

If the turkey had been designated the national bird as Ben Franklin wanted, does that mean we would all be eating eagle for Thanksgiving?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Why do companies invariably announce layoffs right before Christmas/Hannukah when it will hurt the employees involved the most?

Saturday, November 19, 2005


Why do bloggers get so excited about their 100th post?

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The controversial annual bear hunt in NJ is on! Which leads to my annual question:

Why do people build houses in bear habitat and then get upset when bears wander the streets looking for food?

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Why do people think that pushing the button more than once will make the elevator come faster or the doors close sooner?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

As per Astrid's request . . .

New Category: Civil Unrest

Why do rioters destroy their own neighborhoods?

Sunday, November 06, 2005

It's that time of year again when everyone plants decorative cabbages after the frost has killed all the flowers. Why do people think that planting veggies in their front yards is attractive?

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I keep seeing the phrase "going gangbusters". What are gangbusters?

Sunday, October 30, 2005

If the quarterback is the smallest member of the team, does that mean that the halfback is 50% as large as the fullback?

Friday, October 28, 2005

What is a Nose Tackle? Why would you want to tackle someone's nose? Why not their entire body?

Monday, October 24, 2005

I have never understood the game of football. The rules are byzantine. The players look like they are trying to kill each other but they are so well padded they can't hurt anyone. The thing I wonder about the most is: why is the ball such an odd shape?

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Why is it that FedEx and UPS can get a package anywhere on the planet overnight, but the US Postal Service takes four days to get a package from Edison, NJ to Middlesex, NJ, a distance of less than ten miles?

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I had root canal done on a tooth on Monday. On Tuesday, the doctor's office called to see if I was alright. Don't they realize that if I wasn't "alright" I would either have called them or not be home because I was in the Emergency Room?

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Yesterday I saw a sign advertising a "Fine Art and Crafts Show". Is it just me or does that make as much sense as The Three Tenors singing at the Grand Old Opry?

Friday, October 14, 2005

This one is courtesy of Astrid who sent me a whole list of things to wonder about:

Why is there a light in the fridge but not the freezer?

Monday, October 10, 2005

Why do the (male) joggers in my local park wear shorts over their sweatpants? Or is it sweatpants under their shorts?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I have never understood bread machines. I thought the whole idea of homemade was to get away from machine-made bread.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

The grocery store is an endless source of amusement for me. I went down an aisle I don't normally go to and right next to the Hamburger Helper was Slow Cooker Helper. For those of you who don't use a slow cooker (crockpot), all you do is put in meat, veggies, seasonings, some kind of liquid and turn it on. Which part of this extremely simple process needs to be "helped"?

Thursday, September 29, 2005

If drinking and driving is illegal, then why do bars have parking lots?

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The President is asking everyone to drive less to conserve gasoline. I live in suburbia. There is no mass transit. How am I supposed to drive less?

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

I saw this one in "Newsweek":

Would the Federal Government have gotten aid to New Orleans faster after the hurricane if the French Quarter had been renamed the Freedom Quarter?

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Why are they called "collar stays"? Collars are sewn on. They aren't going anywhere. They are definitely "staying".

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Why does the emergency veterinarian, which is open nights, weekends and holidays, charge more than the regular veterinarian? My local grocery store is open 24 hours a day and it doesn't charge more for food nights, weekends and holidays.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Why do people move to the desert Southwest . . . then plant lawns and trees?

Sunday, September 04, 2005

(With all due respect to the victims of Hurricane Katrina), why are they called "hurricanes" in the Atlantic and "typhoons" in the Pacific? They are same types of storms.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

I have a key to start my car. My friend has a key to start his motorcycle. Do airline pilots have a key to start the jet?

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

What is the difference between pole beans and runner beans? They are both vines and they both climb.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Cage Free Brown Eggs are on sale this week. Why would eggs need to be caged?

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Why do people have cats as pets? Cats are nocturnal. People are not.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Why do people think that mirrors make a room look bigger? It's the same room in the mirror.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Why is it called a "bender" when you drink a lot? What is being bent?

Monday, August 08, 2005

Just for you Snake :

Why do you never hear the word "humongous" anymore?

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Is dry cleaning really dry?

Monday, August 01, 2005

Why are they called butterflies? Butter doesn't fly.

Friday, July 29, 2005

There is a street in my town called "Hooker". There are houses on this street. People actually live there. Who would want an address that reads "Hooker Street"?

Monday, July 25, 2005

What's the difference between a sun roof and a moon roof?

Saturday, July 16, 2005

As if I don't have enough things to wonder about on my own, now people are emailing me things to wonder about. Thanks Sylvana , you're a real pal!

Why do people have chins?

Thursday, July 14, 2005

I saw this on a fellow gardener's blog . It's something I have often wondered about myself:

Sleeveless turtlenecks: For those occasions when it is desirable to have cool arms and a nice warm neck?

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?

Friday, July 08, 2005

If everyone hates Walmart so much, why do they keep shopping there?

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Why are teacup dog breeds so popular? They look like fancy rats.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Why do women take so long in the restroom? What are they doing in those stalls?

Saturday, July 02, 2005

What do men do with the newspapers/magazines that they bring into the restroom?

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Why this sudden fad for those huge elephant ear garden plants? They look like they belong in a jungle, not New Jersey.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Why do people live in flood zones? They know their houses will fill with water when it rains. They know all of their possessions will be destroyed. And there they are every time, on the evening news, bravely vowing to rebuild as if it will never happen again.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Those poor bushes that have been trimmed in an unnatural spiral shape . . . why do people think that is attractive?

Friday, June 24, 2005

Whatever happened to fern bars?

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Socks worn with sandals . . . why? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of sandals?

Sunday, June 19, 2005

I don't understand why worms are used as bait. Worms don't live in water, so fish have never seen them. Why would they think they are good to eat?

Friday, June 17, 2005

Do fish get thirsty?

Monday, June 13, 2005

Why does the ice cream truck always show up at dinner time?

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Why is everyone building walls around their gardens? The flowers look like they are in prison.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Why is it that when it gets really hot during the summer, everyone flocks to the beach where it is even hotter?

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Are all Toyota Camrys silver?

Friday, June 03, 2005

What the hell is taupe?

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

What is the difference between white and winter white?

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Why are actressess getting skinnier while the average American woman is getting fatter?

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Why is it called the "United Nations"? They've never been united about anything.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Why is boxing called "The Sweet Science"? There's nothing sweet about two men beating each other to a pulp.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Those cars with the enormous speakers that play music so loud the windows in your house rattle as they go by . . . how loud is the music INSIDE the car?

Friday, May 20, 2005

Same trip to the grocery store, the guy ahead of me is buying "Farm Fresh All-Natural Eggs". Aren't all eggs natural?

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

I saw this sign in the Produce Department of the grocery store "Pick of the Week - Tropical Mangos". Aren't all mangos "tropical"?

Monday, May 16, 2005

Why are they called "kitten heels"? Cats don't wear shoes.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Why are they called "toadstools"? Toads don't use furniture.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Speaking of cockroaches, since they are virtually indestructible, are cockroaches considered job security for exterminators?

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Why is it illegal in my town to feed the feral cats but legal to feed the deer? (For those of you in other parts of the country, there are more deer than cockroaches in New Jersey)

Sunday, May 08, 2005

If dogs do the dog paddle when they swim, what do cats do when they swim?

Friday, May 06, 2005

Why is it called air conditioning? How do you condition air?

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Cock Flavored Soup . . . this is a poultry product, right?

Monday, May 02, 2005

Would John R. Bolton have an easier time getting confirmed as ambassador to the UN if he applied a little Just For Men to his moustache?

Saturday, April 30, 2005

How do you grow seedless watermelons?

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Why are men willing to make complete fools of themselves on national television dancing in an endzone but they refuse to set foot on a dancefloor?

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Explain capri pants to me. They're too short to be pants and too long to be shorts.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Why do people run upstairs while being chased in horror movies? There are no exits on the second floor.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Why do men have nipples?

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Where on the keyboard is the any key?

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Why do you have to press "Start" if you want to turn off the computer?

Monday, April 18, 2005

Why are they called Robin Redbreast if they are orange?

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Is it considered "instant" messaging if you type very slowly with one finger?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Why do socks come in packages of six if there are seven days in a week?

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Why are people so concerned about radon in their homes while they are putting chemicals on their lawns that are so toxic that little flags have to be used to warn people not to step on them?

Monday, April 11, 2005

Why is it that people move to the suburbs for the peace and quiet and then hire gardeners who use machines so loud they make your ears bleed?

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Why do people try to drive through floods? Cars can't swim.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

When did brown become a flavor?

Monday, April 04, 2005

What happens to all the daylight we save?

Sunday, April 03, 2005

What are we saving daylight for?

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Why are they called sport utility vehicles? They are enormous luxury gas-guzzlers.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Why are they called reality shows? They are taped and heavily edited.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Why do fishermen brag about outwitting an animal with a brain the size of a pea?

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Why is it that an age appropriate woman for a 50 year old man is 25 whereas an age appropriate man for a 50 year old woman is 50?

Monday, March 21, 2005

Why are they called "jungle gyms"? They are in backyards, not jungles.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

What are praying mantises praying for?

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Why are fruits and vegetables referred to as "produce"? Is nothing else in the grocery store produced?

Friday, March 18, 2005

Are there male lady bugs?

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

How can you tell when Granny Smith apples are ripe?

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Katydid . . . what?

Monday, March 14, 2005

Why is it that people who are against the war in Iraq drive gas-guzzling SUV's?

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Why are there no bomb-sniffing cats? My cat sniffs everything.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Why is American Football called "football" if only one member of the team kicks the ball?

Monday, March 07, 2005

Why is it called squash if it is round?

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Why is it called birdseed? I've never been able to grow a single bird from it.