I work out at a gym three times a week. 

So why is it that I always try to park as close to the store as possible even if it means squeezing into spaces so tight that I can barely get my car door open?

Sign on a truck:

RELIABLE TIRE CO.

As opposed to unreliable tires?

Sign at a local nursery:

FRUIT TREES ARE IN

In what?

Subject line on an email:  Keep Cool with Frozen Hot Chocolate.

How can it be frozen and hot at the same time?

I bought a package of Hebrew National hot dogs.  It has 7 hot dogs in it.  Are odd numbers part of Kosher cuisine?

I saw a woman on a bike pulling into a yard sale.  How did she think she was going to carry her purchases home?

There's a woman at the gym who wears a sports bra over a regular bra.  Kinda like wearing a belt and suspenders.

I was watching an eagle cam today and a popup ad appeared suggesting I search for "used eagle".

What's a "used eagle" and why would I want to search for one?

Why is it called a greenhouse if it's not green?

Cats always land on feet, toast lands butter side down. What if you strap buttered toast to a cat?

I'm reading a cookbook from 1896.

Recipe:  Turtlehead Soup

First Ingredient:  1 Calf's Head

Huh?

I don't understand the controversy surrounding Tiger Woods' apology.  He is obviously in a 12-step program and this is the step where he has to make amends to all the people he has hurt.

Which is basically everybody.

What's wrong with this picture?

Today is Ladies Day at the car wash, $2 off.  Ten customers in line.  Nine men and me.

I went to the grocery store to buy ground pork today.  There was none but they had lots of ground veal.  Why is it okay to sell the meat of baby cows but not the meat of adult pigs?

Times Square bills itself as "The Crossroads of the World" so why is the new New Year's Ball made up of crystals in the shape of Celtic knots, the symbol of a single, small, ethnic group?

Have you tried to buy cheese lately? Almost all of it is low-fat. Besides not tasting right, it doesn’t cook right. Really nasty stuff.


My fellow Americans, please eat less and exercise more so that we put this low-fat nonsense behind us.

Overheard at the Thanksgiving table in reference to the turkey:

"This is definitely done, I think."

Why are there many different kinds of mustard but only one kind of ketchup?

Seen in the seafood case at the local A&P:

Imitation crab meat
Wild caught

How do you catch a fake crab?

There's road on my route to work that has "Flood Route" signs. 

Is this an evacuation route in case of flooding or are they trying to direct floodwaters to minimize damage?